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Originally Posted by Barney

“It all depends whether the animal knows the Highway Code, if they don't know I swerve, if they do I just sound my horn and give a hand gesture ”

Reminds me of my first insurance broking job - my boss was showing me some claim forms & i swear this is true. Words to the effect .....

How did the accident happen " I was driving down the road when a stag ran out in front of me, i tried to take avoiding action but i hit it damaging my car"

In your opinion whos fault was the accident - "The f***ing stag! He didnt use the zebra crossing!"

Kept meaning to send it to Jasper Carrot who collected such classics. 

Hi

Well as you are on a web directory forum, perhaps i can give you some pointers.

Firstly, Scoot are a reputable directory that is actually part of the Touch Local Group, but would be wrong of me to say anymore than that. 

People expect the world from free listings, don't get me wrong they serve a purpose but normally especially in our case a paid listing allows you to have a full page to explain your product or service.

Google are much more likely to index a page that has unique text on it apposed to a template page that has a name, address and telephone number.

I believe that you have a full listing with us but it doesn't appear like you have added any pictures, text, or accumulated any reviews, all which help push you up the search rankings.

I'm a little out my depth on PPC campaigns, but from what i know about our own campaign, 50p a conversion isn't bad at all.

As someone that works, lives and breathes a business directory, naturally i'm going to say directory listings are great, but one directory listing isn't going to change your world. The days of investing on one certain directory, sitting back and waiting for the phone to ring are long gone.

You need multiple listings across multiple sites, spending a bit of money here and there in a scattered but moderated approach.

By all means feel free to call on our main office number, 01789 761364 and i will personally discuss your own listing with us, and maybe point you at some of our more successful listings that have crafted a full page advert with us. 

Pretty fed up  about the news about what Prince Charles did or didnt say to a lady in a private conversation.

Is it really newsworthy? How can we be sure the dear old lady didn't mishear the Prince or even is now creating something in her own mind.

Irrespective, it was a private conversation and thats exactly where it should have stayed. It would have been different if it was a public speech 

Shame on both the lady for first telling her story and the press for hyping it into something from nothing.

Pheasants are good eating as are rabbits !

Sure i read somewhere, that if you kill a pheasant on the road you couldnt stop & have it to eat, but the car behind could, or have i been fed ( no pun intended) a line?

Either way, i'd rather forage for my own food !

Seems the latest craze sweeping the Nation are selfies taken with your mobile phone and its reaching our criminal fraternity

BBC News - Ernest Jones raid

Its not bad enough then that this doughnut put a selfie on his mobile as his background, he left it on a counter of the jewellers he was robbing!

What do you have on your phones as backgrounds? I have a pic of my son 

Just seen the news that Ebay has suffered a cyber attack on one of its databases.

Details stolen include customers names, encrypted passwords, email addresses, date of birth, addressees and phone numbers.

The attacks happened around February/March and only became aware of it 2 weeks ago - why has it taken so long to go public then?

Change your password is the underlying message!

But why wait until now to launch the suit.

Cynical - maybe he has run out of money 

With the 30th anniversary of the abolishment of the 1/2 p coin coming up i've always wondered why petrol is sold in .9 of a pence at the end. 

How can a product be sold with an amount thats not legal tender - minimum delivery is 2 litres - i'm paying 132.9 currently - 2 x 132.9 = £2.65.8??? or can you not dispense that accurately, have to be honest i've never tried!

Why not just call it £1.33 - i'm not stupid, if something is marked up as £19.99, its £20 - a penny isn't going to sway my purchase decision, and £0.001 is certainly not !

On my way out last night, driving along my road, pigeon on the middle of it. I was going around 25 mph, roads were slick with rain, car coming the other way - what would you do?

Well in an explosion of feathers, car versus pigeon, i think i won.

I was always told by father drive on straight, dont swerve. Yes i could have braked, even with ABS i wouldnt have stopped and no way was i bouncing off the car coming the other way, and anyway they usually fly off when you get close - maybe it was playing chicken 

Nothing infuriates me more than 2 people gossiping whilst serving you and the only time they acknowledge you is to bark out the amount you owe. I usually say at that point, please dont stop talking about xxx on my account, would you like to finish before you i pay?

Should see the reaction