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Wenger, Redknapp, Moyes, Dalglish, and Ferguson all sitting in a pub.

Wenger goes up to the bar, buys the first round. Moyes buys the second, Redknapp buys the third (via his accountant). Fergie buys the 4th and Kenny buys the 5th, but doesn't return with a drink for Fergie.

"Where's mine?" Fergie asks

"Sorry" says Kenny"...." this is the 5th round and you're not in it....".

My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting ready to go out when finally
the door swung open and she said, "Honestly , do I look fat in this".
I replied, " Yes love, but to be fair, it's only a small bathroom".

A man donates blood to his wife after she is badly hurt in a car crash. A
few years later they go through a bitter divorce and he demands his blood
back!.

So she throws a tampon in his face and says "there you go you miserable git,
I'll pay you back monthly!" And the moral of this story is :-

Even if a woman eventually pays back what she owes a man!, there will ALWAYS be a string attached!.

My Wife asked me to go to the Doctors about my Erection problem, she wasn't
pleased when i came back and gave her some Slimming Pills

One day the Mrs came into the lounge and says "Fancy making love Babe?"
I said, "After the football love"
She said, "You do realise that you can record it?"
I said, "Nice, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy
finishes".

Stick with your original view, for most businesses Twitter is a complete waste of time!
You have very limited time and resources, so don't waste either. Simples.

A new phenomenon called E-MOONING



We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

means a smile and

is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) an ass hole


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

Yep !!!

We were called eurosceptics 10 years ago. We were not. We were simply realistic people who understand the diversity of human nature and the fact that an italian and a greek will always see the world differently to a german.

Thanks Wampit.

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your
self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you agree, pass it on. If you don't agree stick your head in the sand and take a deep breath!


If you can read this - thank a teacher! If you can read this in English thank a soldier!!!