Joke of the Day

And another oldie

A Mother visits her son for dinner who lives with a female roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mothers thoughts, the son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the silver plate.... But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your Son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,
Mom.

Ahahaaaa sneaky! 

Sorry this 1 made me chuckle this afternoon

It was the first day of school and the teacher was asking the little boy about his family.
'And what does your Daddy do'
'He's a magician'
'That must be exciting, what tricks can he do'
'He can saw people in half'
'That is clever, and tell me do you have any brothers or sisters'
'Yes, one half brother, and two half sisters'

That's definitely a groaner!!! 

That's made me chuckle too after 8 hours of driving today

NICKNAMES
1. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
2. If Mike, Brian and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
1. When the bill arrives, Mike, Brian and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
2.When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
1. A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
2. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
1. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
2. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 40. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
1 A woman has the last word in any argument.
2. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
1. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
2. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
1. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
2. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
1. A woman will dress up right to go shopping, weed the front garden, visit the doctor, go to the gym
2. A man will dress up right only for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
1. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
2. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
1. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
2. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Another 1 I forgot about

A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Harry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry's wife. "Mrs. White," he says, "Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.
Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

"OH GOOD GRIEF!" Mrs. White exclaims,"He's peeing in the fridge again!"