Joke of the Day

OK Lets see who gets these jokes I found tonight lol

Start with a easy 1

1. A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

2. Pretentious? Moi?   ( OK even I don't get this 1 )

3. A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."

4. Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.   (1 for the girls to get)

5.Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.   (wonder if the girls will get this 1 lol)

6.C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."

I got all of them but I like number 3 best. Pack it in with the sexism though Andy!!

lol ..Didn't see it that way until you mentioned it lol

Saw this 1 that made me chuckle

1 - Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
2 - If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
3 - Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
4 - Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year the woman speaks and the man listens
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
5 - When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
6 - Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
7 - Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.
8 - Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
9 - Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and considerate, but again, the law allows only one husband.
10 - Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

<insert eyeroll> They're a bit too cliché for me. 

Good to see Andy has been covering the Fri humour in my absence 

Think we need to bully Jan into doing some more cartoons  

This 1 came round on my FB page from last year

A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoilt by the ships parrot. Every time he does a trick the parrot shouts " It's in his pocket ! Four of clubs. It's got a false bottom !"

The magician hates it. That night the ship sinks and the magician and the parrot cling to a piece of drift wood.

For four days the parrot says nothing, he just stares at the magician.

On the fifth day the parrot says " OK , I give up, where's the bloody ship ?"

Speaking of parrots...

Potty-mouthed parrot stuck on roof in Edmonton

A parrot stuck on a roof for three days had choice words to say to firefighters who came to its aid this morning.

Jessie the Macaw parrot had escaped its home in Cuckoo Hall Lane, Edmonton and spent three days sitting on a neighbours roof. With Jessie’s owner and the RSPCA unsuccessful in their attempts to lure the parrot down, the Brigade was called.

Watch Manager Chris Swallow, who was at the scene, said: “Jessie had been on the same roof for three days and there were concerns that she may be injured which is why she hadn’t come down".

“Our crew manager was the willing volunteer who went up the ladder to try and bring Jessie down. We were told that to bond with the parrot, you have to tell her ‘I love you’, which is exactly what the crew manager did".

“While Jessie responded ‘I love you’ back, we then discovered that she had a bit of a foul mouth and kept swearing, much to our amusement. Jessie also speaks Turkish and Greek, so we tried telling her to ‘come’ in both those languages too".

“Thankfully it soon became apparent that Jessie was fine and uninjured as she flew off to another roof and then to a tree".

Credit: www.london-fire.gov.uk

lol found this 1

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.

When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie, We all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked:

"How many children do you have?

He answered: "Twelve."

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered “They're in the cemetery with their mother."

MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words... and don't forget, unfortunately, most politicians are lawyers.

Ahahaaaaa very good. As if lawyers would ever misrepresent the truth!