Joke of the Day

Grooooooaaaaaaannnn

hahaha lol That's what I said too , all that reading for that

shoot him! 

Here's another

Mary was traveling home but due to bad weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.
"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.
"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.
"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"
Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please,"
"Certainly, madam," he replied.
"And can I have breakfast in bed?" she asked politely.
The receptionist nodded and smiled.
"In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please," Mary mused.
After confirming the order, she signed in and went up to her room for the night.
The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk.
"Morning madam...sleep well?"
"Yes, thank you," Mary replied.
"Food to your liking?"
"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though....they really weren't that nice at all," she replied truthfully.
"Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.
"OK, I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey.
Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Miss Mary Poppins had written.

"Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!"

Well that was  a REALLY big build up Andy! 

I didn't see that one coming! 

Was wondering if I should post some more ..Here we go

Went to the bathroom last night to have some liquid Viagra but drank a bottle of tippex by accident. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well.
Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?'
O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'.
Murphy says, 'What's that?'
O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the bottom, you multiply that time 32 feet per second squared, the rate at which objects fall in a vacuum, subtract a little for wind resistance and we've got the depth of the well'.
Murphy says, ' What are you going to drop down it?' Then O'Brien looked all around and he saw this big heavy log lying on the ground. Next he squats down by the log and, using his legs correctly, he gets it up onto his shoulders and staggers over to the edge of the well, tips it up, drops it into the well and they start to count, 'One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus, three .................... '

SPLASH!!!!

Murphy said, 'Three seconds!'
O'Brien said, 'Quick, multiply that time 32 feet per second squared!'
'288 feet!', Murphy said. 'Subtract a little for wind resistance, let's say 18 feet. The depth of that well is 270 feet deep'.
As he finished the calculation Murphy shouts, 'LOOK OUT!!' and he pushed O'Brien backwards and a goat ran between them and jumped head first down the well.
Murphy said, 'My God, I've never seen anything like that'.
Just then a farmer walks into the clearing and said, 'What's going on here boys?'
O'Brien says, 'We just figured out the depth of this well to be about 270 feet deep and then the strangest thing happened. A goat ran between the two of us and jumped head first down into the well.'
The farmer says, 'Thank heaven it wasn't one of my goats.'
Murphy says, 'How do you know it wasn't?'
And the farmer says, 'Because all of my goats are tethered to big heavy logs.'

and

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows to high.
She looked surprised.

Stop! My sides are splitting! 

Here's 1 from FB and thought it quite funny

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
on wood for good measure. She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."