Hi Barney
Just read your post mate, and I've suspended it for no other reason than I know you are letting off steam, it's very personal, and I don't want it to impact your business by having it public in case you regretted it. Like wise I can make it public again, or delete it, just let me know.
You said you are ignoring emails and phone-calls, so I'm hoping you are using the forum as an outlet and you read this.
You have had a string of bad luck that would be unbelievable in a Hollywood film, so it's no wonder you feel at rock bottom. Knowing nothing about your industry, I can only imagine the shock and trauma it must have caused, and an understandable loss of confidence.
You may remember a few years ago I mentioned to someone else when I hit the bottom and disappeared into a bottle. At the time I became insular, lost interest in everything apart from booze. My situation was grief, but I imagine the emotions aren't that dissimilar. Like you I had well meaning suggestions of help, and I suspect like you, ex Squaddie pride kept me from talking to a "tree hugger or do gooder" types. But it's a blinkered approach, and counselling can and does help countless people. You never know, give it a try, I didn't, but think I should have.
My fix was to jack in work and disappear for a few months down under. It worked for me, managed to get an emotional reboot and a fresh perspective on the world, something that seemed impossible only months before.
Yours may be to take a break, talk with someone, go and work with a cat sanctuary for a bit, or perform your own technical post mortem on what happened and comprehend exactly what happened, without any other day to day business pressures. But do something.
It's a shit cliche, but true, take one day at a time, and don't make any rash decisions. Feel free to rant, rah or sound off, either publicly or send me an email. But don't forget to feed the cats!